ic; salt inbox

[unorthodoc]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK

USERNAME: WWJGD

text ❖ audio ❖ video

note: this inbox is a choose not to warn experience and may contain nsfw threads

Comments

text

[ghostface]

did i ever tell you i fucked your boy?

[unorthodoc]

Which one?

text - un: twiggy

[semicharmed]

Got any more of those quizzes you can recommend?

[unorthodoc]

Here you go.

text — un: NAMIGATOR

[money]

hi jackass. the library gave me cocaine.
you didn't say it was drugs.

[unorthodoc]

Of course it's drugs. All the best things are drugs.

text — un: shrike

[theminotaur]

Hi

Are you accepting new patients

[ real winner of an opener we've got here. ]

[unorthodoc]

Technically speaking, I'm not licensed to practice in this country so no, I'm not accepting any new patients.

But technically speaking, I'm also pretty bored, so. Is it interesting?

text, whenever.

[medals]

IMAGE ATTACHMENT

[unorthodoc]

Wait. This isn't a photo of your tits.

text

[ghostface]

( early one august afternoon, while he's far enough away from the house (both houses) that it feels safe to mention this: )

how much did jem tell you about what happened to us after you and john left?

[unorthodoc]

She didn't. I assumed you spent your time having picnics and feeding Quentin to the spiders.

un: greasy

[imperatour]

how does my arm hurt when it's not even there anymore?

[unorthodoc]

Because you're an idiot.

Well, your brain is an idiot. It's getting conflicting signals, sometimes it forgets there isn't an arm there. And your spinal cord is joining in and getting the brain even more confused, and when that happens the easiest thing to do is to make it hurt.

Close your eyes. What does it feel like? Is it a cramp? Burning?

un: rushman (house 💘 his tennis ball)

[redhourglass]

are you the asshole who keeps throwing something at the wall

[unorthodoc]

No, I'm the asshole trying to perfect my serve.

text; @kpyr7.8

[suturing]

just in case we end up the next targets: do you have someone looking out for you, dr house?

[unorthodoc]

Yes. God.

[unconscionable]

Pancakes for John?

[unorthodoc]

Beg me for them. Make me believe it.

— text | un: freak

[guitarpicks]

so when you’re done poking at the bodies… can i interest you in a jam session and a blow job? ( normal ways to cope right?? )

[unorthodoc]

You had me at "blow job".

Can you bring snacks?

text; un: persephone

[semicharmed]

There's never been a good time to mention this, but I've always kind of had a crush on you.

[unorthodoc]

Were you trying to reach Danny?

delivery.

[provoke]

[ he's delivering the body parts as he finds them. all he asks is they do not get violated any further. ]

text — un: princess grace

[rationalism]

i got both tits back if you wanna see what ol lefty looks like

[unorthodoc]

I do. Does she look like ol righty?

⚠️ SECOND ROUND BEGINS HERE ⚠️

[unorthodoc]

text @WASP

[eidetics]

You remember your first time.

[ Being here. No, she’s not responding on the network and no, she doesn’t want to talk about dog dicks. ]

What do you remember about leaving?

[unorthodoc]

[ What's wrong with talking about dog dicks? ]

I don't.

- cont.

[medals]

[ cont. ]

it wasn't werewolf. he broke up with me before that.

he asked me to marry him after you left. he had john make rings. we said our vows in bed. i had this whole thing planned for a ceremony in the autumn on your wedding anniversary, and then idk. things got weird in the summer. it felt like he didn't want to call me his wife in public, you know? like i was being sisterzoned, and i kept pushing it till we had a big stupid fight and i told him he wasn't really my brother, because i already had one of those at home.

i didn't really mean it. but it just felt like every time he called me his sister he was trying to make what we had smaller than what it was. then he left and he hasn't been back since.

[unorthodoc]

[ It hurts, hearing about it. Their lost, struggling children. The ways his being lost made it worse. The ways they were lost before they ever got started.

In this, as in all things lately, House returns to something that's sustained him. A guiding force, for a man who was never supposed to believe in them. An atheists mantra.

What would John Gaius do? ]

He's an idiot, but you already know that. At least you don't have to deal with it alone any more.

I'll fix this. Nobody dumps my daughter and gets away with it.

✉️ delivery.

[begot]

[ A few days after things return to (relative) normal, an envelope finds its way to House's door, containing a piece of pale blue card stock upon which has been written, in Amy's neat, looping hand: ]

Dear House,

Thank you so much for your help with Rupert's blood transfusion; I don't think — or rather, I know — that the rest of us could have managed that on our own, magical means notwithstanding. He already looks much less pale, though it'll be a few more days before he's really back on his feet. Hopefully the intervening days haven't demanded quite as much of you.

— Amy

( delivery )

[deadnerve]

[Stuffed under the door on a folded sheet of paper very clearly ripped out of a sketchbook, there is a drawing and a small note that reads:]

idk, i usually draw furry-furries, but i tried.
those are gecko spots btw, not chicken pox
but ur a doctor so you know that
- devon

[unorthodoc]

[ Wait, this is actually kind of cool. House props the drawing up on top of his dresser and picks up his phone to shoot Devon a text. ]

Thanks for the drawing. I'm a gecko? Aren't they kind of small? And sticky? Is that how you think of me?

text — un: 24CARATLABUBU cw: nsfw link

[quizzes]

doc my dick's back to normal!!

( evidential proof attached ! )

[unorthodoc]

[ This was probably inevitable. ]

Sure, it looks normal. But is it actually normal? How does it feel?

@t.laughlin

[holyposition]

Good morning, Dr. House. My name's Tim. I don't know if you remember me from the first time you were here, we didn't talk much.

[ On account of House being crass and obnoxious. But that's not the point: ]

Harry told me that you've recommended some treatments to help with the consequences of the lead poisoning he endured in the Arctic. I was hoping you could tell me more about that when you have the time. I'd like to be there to support him, if at all possible. I'm really not sure what it all entails or what to expect. I think he doesn't want to worry me.

[unorthodoc]

You're the guy with the foot thing.

@goodsir

[mygoodsir]

Doctor House,

This is not an easy question for me to ask, but ask it I must:

During chelation, as I understand it may take some time, are relations entirely forbidden on days that are not active treatment days?

Thank you kindly,
Harry

[unorthodoc]

[ Oh, sweet summer child. ]

I'm going to need some more details on exactly what the "relations" will involve before I make a decision.

— un: freak

[guitarpicks]

what's a guy gotta do to get a little attention from his favorite old man
i gotta piss on all your shit again or something?

[unorthodoc]

You'd better not, I just got the last set of blood stains out of my sheets. Judging by the noises I hear from you and Jem in the mornings, you're getting plenty of attention.

— text @admirals misfire

[murderbooks]

You ever want to get really wild with your smoothies, I'll be back in the guest kitchen tomorrow morning. You should come, if only to regale me of tales from the 1800's was it?

@shadowheart

[nightsung]

If you ever need assistance with injuries at the Slip, I’m a cleric.